Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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