Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize