If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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