I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
