I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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