I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
