Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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