you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
