Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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