I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Drunk is not a location!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
