So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
