As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
