I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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