spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
