We're like a lot better than the average bears
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
