I seem to have left my pride at pride
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
