Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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