a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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