we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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