More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
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