yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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