goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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