Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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