Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
