You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
