My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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