I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
