Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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