I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
