it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I am one with the molecules
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
