Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize