What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
