You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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