I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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