Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
