the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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