I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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