Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
