so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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