she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
