WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
