I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
