So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
