laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize