Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
