Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
