If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
