So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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