If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
