Got a toothbrush?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
