you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
