dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
