Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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