My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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