May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
