dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
