I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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