you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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