Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
