The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
