did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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