I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
