just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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