: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
