i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
