Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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