I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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