Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
