good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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