Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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