i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
