I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
