I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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