Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize