3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
