My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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