yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
