He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
