my vag is so smooth its legendary
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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