i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
