...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
