unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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