And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
