WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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